The Truth About Perfectionism & How to Overcome It
Oct 05, 2020
Are you a perfectionist? Well, you might be if you can identify with some of the following:
You frequently start projects but don’t finish them, or continually rework a project or task without finishing it
You prefer to do things yourself vs delegate tasks or projects
You feel the need to micromanage things
You are afraid of others seeing your work and what they might say
You feel anxiety when things are messy
You clean when you are anxious, frustrated or sad.
You have a hard time making decisions, do endless research, and feel that there’s only one right choice
The Truth About Perfectionism:
I like to call myself a recovering perfectionist.
I uses to think being a perfectionist was a good quality. To me, it meant that someone has tried very hard to make something flawless. It meant quality.
Over time I came to realize that being a perfectionist is not a great quality. It held me back from completing things. It meant I wouldn’t put the work out there because it wasn’t perfect. It’s draining energy-wise as one is never really happy with the results.
Here’s a real-life example. Years ago I used to be into scrapboooking. I had many pages that were unassembled with photos mounted to cardstock, coordinating elements and background chosen, and a printed out title. I would keep that page and its elements in a page protector unassembled. Why you might ask? Well because it just didn’t seem quite perfect. Something was missing or perhaps it could still be improved. Therefore, I could not commit to it being a final piece by gluing things down on the page in a permanent arrangement.
Perfectionism also comes with a fearful mindset. One is fearing others judging something you did, made, or you yourself. Perfectionists worry that they themselves and their work are not worthy or not good enough.
If you have any perfection tendencies, you can see how this way of thinking could translate into other larger scale more important issues. Perhaps if you have a perfectionist child, they don’t turn their homework in if they don’t think it’s perfect. It’s an all or nothing mentality. This fear of others judging your work keeps perfectionists from making progress on their goals, or getting their work tasks done,
I was the straight-A student, upset when I got anything less. Never competing with others, but in constant internal competition with myself.
Now I tell myself I’m ok with B - work. This means I’m ok with something less than perfect.
Overcoming Perfectionism:
To break free from the perfectionist mindset, I had to first become aware that it was a quality and a mindset that was not serving me.
The second step in overcoming perfectionism was deciding that I could change. As uncomfortable as it is to change our behavior, I knew it's also uncomfortable to spend time in indecision and fear of being judged.
Next, I adopted the phrase: "Progress, not perfection."
Another step to overcoming perfectionism is accepting the fact that we all have things we are good at, and other areas where we are not so skilled. This is where it's helpful to remind yourself of that truthful saying that nobody's perfect.
If you haven’t noticed yet, spelling is a weakness of mine. I could kick your butt in physics but would miserably fail early in a spelling bee challenge. In order to embrace that phrase of progress, not perfection, I decided I would not be ashamed when someone points out my numerous spelling mistakes. Why? Because it meant that I had put it out there, I had made progress.
Perfectionism also naturally goes hand in hand with having high expectations, of one's self and of others.
As part of my “recovery” plan I realized that my expectations were also part of the problem. It was hard, sometimes still is difficult, to lower my expectations both for myself and of others. I have found I am much happier this way. Instead of being constantly disappointed by falling short of the expectation, I’m happy when it’s exceeded. I've decided that this is a key to happiness in life.
I still say I’m a recovering perfectionist because I still have to consciously reframe things and change my thoughts.
Eventually, this will become my habitual way of thinking.
I hope that this has inspired you to let go of some of your perfectionist tendencies.
Need help overcoming your perfectionism? I'd love to work with you. Schedule your complimentary consultation call here and let's chat about working together.
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