Do You Should On Yourself?
Sep 05, 2021
Have you heard the phrase "Stop Shoulding On Yourself?"
Should has a few meanings. I'm going to be referring to the definition below:
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Should- (verb) - Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions.
All types of perfectionists play the should game, either with themselves or with others.
I should've done better.
I shouldn't have made that choice.
I should lose weight.
I should go edit that report again.
I should be doing X instead of Y
I should be better at X.
They should know better.
They should be able to do this.
She should do X.
He shouldn't do Y.
Essentially, shoulding is your brain's critic judging yourself or judging others.
Because perfectionists tend to overanalyze things in general, this inner critic is strong and frequently at work.
You can see how shoulding on yourself causes you to second guess your choices, your skills and at a deeper level, your self worth. Shoulding on others is unleashing your inner critic on them, judging their work, their actions and or their life.
Whether you are shoulding on yourself or on others, it's not a good use of your mental energy. It causes anguish as you are only resisting reality and thinking of how the current situation or result is wrong. Instead of being present, positive, or future focused, the act of shoulding keeps your brain ruminating, stuck, negative and in the past.
Today, be the watcher of your brain. See if your inner critic or judge pops up to try to sabotage your happiness, or relationship with others.
It's only through knowledge and awareness that we will change.
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