Where did your perfectionism come from?

Where did your perfectionism come from?

Were you born a perfectionist?

Is it in your DNA?

When did it start?

Can one stop being a perfectionist? 

If you are anything like me you like to know the why behind things.

When I decided to overcome my perfectionism these are some of the questions that I had.

To make the answer short, no, you were not born a perfectionist.

It’s actually an identity that we assumed. This is great because it means that we can choose to change it.  

So that leads us back to where does perfectionism come from and how does it start?

Well, depending on the type of perfectionist you are, there are 4 types, your perfectionism may have developed from trying to live up to other’s expectations.  

This could be your parents, grandparents, or even society or cultural standards.  Where as you feel pressure from outside yourself to be perfect. You may have done that for other’s approval or to gain attention or affection. For others, perfectionism may have been modeled by one of your parents.

With some time to think I realized my perfectionism came from being a daughter of two teachers. My mom was a kindergarten teacher, and I went to the same elementary school as she taught at for all 6 years. I felt pressure from the other teachers to be a perfect student as everyone knew I was her daughter. Now, this was likely more in my head than a real event, but it did shape my personality. The unspoken expectations to be the best in the class.

By the time I got to middle school, the framework for my personality had been laid. The middle and high school teachers didn’t know who I was, or who my parents were, I was just another student among many in a large school.  But by then it was who I had become and it was the identity I just kept going forward.

I am the oldest child and most of the time I was a straight A student all the way though college. My parents weren’t upset with my occasional B, but I sure was. The B may has well been an F as the B marred my what should've been perfect report card. I would internally beat myself up for not having done a good enough job. 

I was the kid that always followed the rules. I had a strong sense of wright and wrong. This is classic perfectionism, all or nothing way of thinking.

Perfectionism can be deep rooted in your brain. It’s a set of ideas, values, thought patterns and beliefs that you have chosen to adopt. 

With awareness, knowledge, and tools you can start to rewire you brain and lessen your perfectionism tendencies.

Perfectionism can keep you feeling stuck, overwhelmed, stressed, and frustrated. 

Working on your perfectionism is a gift only you can give yourself. A gift that will change the rest of your life. 

You will live with more joy and lighter energy. You will learn to be more intentional with life living more in the present and enjoying every day for what it has to offer vs what went wrong, what didn’t happen, what you didn’t get done in the day or worrying about the past or future problems.

If you don’t know your perfectionism type learn more about it with this quiz.  In the quiz you will learn more about your particular type of perfectionism, where it comes from and some of the particular challenges that that type of perfectionism causes.